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Check it out! 'Kartik in Cosmic Chaos' by Jigyasa Jyotika is available on Amazon at:
Sir, Are you still with the tour?' yelled the stout,
very-blonde tour guide in the Ebon stalactite-stalagmite caves in Deerton,
Michigan, in Dhananjay's direction.
Dhananjay,or DJ as he went by, stood transfixed, oblivious, inside the cave. The
icicles around him hung in mid air, like jagged ancient photographs, with a
salon-fringe, capturing a moment in time when water on its way down, was
stopped by a cold hand and cruelly solidified. He suddenly felt one with this
200-million year old chilly marvel of nature, his childhood progress arrested
by the icy fingers of the indescribable many. The caves took him back to his
six-year-old self, in Europe, when he’d visited the Postojna stalactite-stalagmite
caves, in Slovenia, on a school trip from Berlin, where he’d lived. He
remembered enjoying the caves tremendously as he eased into them, but the
terror he felt as soon as they’d entered the cave, as a kid, rushed back to
him. He distinctly remembered desperately grabbing on to the annoyed guide’s
hand. And together with it, came back the ‘B’ for bewilderment that defined
that phase in his childhood.
'Sir, this is the last call for you! We're moving on!'
'I'll find you guys in a bit, I think I'll just be here for
a while,' he managed to yell back to the guide.
DJ hadn't bargained for this, as part of his trip at
all. It was supposed to be a rejuvenating spring break event, a getaway from
school, a few months after his breakup with Ananya. But here all this was.
His mind kept racing back to how so much that transpired
between them, had come and gone.
His thoughts whirled to days after Thanksgiving, when he and
his void, walking up and down campus, at times more weary than cheery, had heard thunderous ovation emanating from the campus library. The area soon
became abuzz with students and onlookers. DJ weaved his way down the bustling
pathway to the library, a forgotten chai latte warming his hand. He was wont to
going into his inner world more and more of late, when a cacophony of sound
erupted again from the quad ahead. Detangling himself from thoughts of
intriguing neuroscience, he hastened his pace.
In the centre of the grassy expanse, stood a dark-haired
woman, her short tresses whipping about her. In her hand, she brandished a
bright yellow frisbee, not at a playful dog, but at a flock of pigeons.
"Come on, you feathery philosophers!" she yelled,
in apparent, mock-frustration. "A little game of 'fetch' won't hurt your
existential pondering!"
DJ stood at the edge of a geranium flowerbed. His gaze,
along with that of many in the crowd surrounding the area, turned to the woman
again.
The pigeons, unsurprisingly, remained unimpressed by her
calls and shuffled around the sundial at the quad's centre.
Suddenly, the frisbee sailed errantly, taking a detour on
the windy day and docked itself towards a group of students engrossed in a
textbook on the grass. A collective yelp arose as the frisbee smacked one of
the textbooks, sending papers scattering.
The woman's laughter filled the air, as she rushed towards
the carnage, apologetically.
A faint smile finally twitched on DJ’s lips, as he stood
rooted, still sipping his chai latte.
As DJ watched, the woman, scooped up the papers and began an
animated apology, complete with elaborate hand gestures. The students,
initially flustered, found themselves drawn into her act, a few even chuckling
along.
Finally, she straightened. "Consider it a pop quiz on
the importance of…frisbee reflexes?" she declared, handing the textbook
back to its owner. The student, a lanky man, could only stammer out a thanks.
‘I’m Ananya, by the way!’ she said, waving to the man before
she left the grassy area.
‘Brian’ he replied, finding his hand waving at her too. The
crowd started to thin at this point.
Ananya winked at Brian, before turning around, her gaze
landing on DJ. The amusement in his gaze mirrored in hers. She tilted her head,
a playful challenge in her smile.
"Well, hello there," she said, her voice lilting a
little. "Care to join my next scholarly pursuit? Perhaps involving pigeons
and existential dread?"
DJ, completely disarmed by this whirlwind, found himself
returning her smile. "Perhaps," he replied, a touch breathless.
"But only if you promise to translate the pigeon coos for me."
‘I’m Ananya , a speech therapist, so I’ll try to get them to
talk human to you then,’ she smiled.
‘Oh! I’m DJ, training to be a neuroscientist.’
‘Well, I could use a neuroscientist’s help in speech therapy
alright!’
‘Haha,’ DJ found his humour as Ananya's infectious laugh
filled the air.
‘Well, I’m running late now, but we should talk sometime!’
Ananya said, on a more serious note, scribbling her email ID for him on his
hand.
For DJ, she was the first of a kind -- A mix of a
free-spirit and an academic student.
After some animated writing to each other, DJ and Ananya
decided to meet over a quick bite at lunch at one of the campus cafeterias.
Despite prepping himself for the 'unexpected' with her, DJ found himself
visibly surprised at her belief in after-lives.
‘We’re from the land of reincarnation, DJ!’ Ananya snapped
her fingers at DJ. ‘Why are you so lost?’
‘Well…’ DJ said, fumbling for words. ‘I’m not religious,’ he
finally said.
‘Ah well, the concept isn’t a religious one alone, it’s more
in the spiritual realm.’
‘I see,’ DJ said.
‘Ya, a lot of scientists are afraid to embrace their
spiritual sides, for fear of going against the ‘culture’ of aethism, DJ,’
Ananya continued. ‘My Dad’s one of them!’
‘Hmm,’ DJ said, smiling more than he intended to.
DJ’s phone popped up an alert that reminded him to return
some library books and finding something free-spirited awakening inside him in
her presence, DJ mustered up the courage to ask her out on a date.
‘Sure, let’s meet at the cafe, ‘day-after-tomorrow’ from the
library, for lunch on Saturday’ she replied, with a wink.
‘I’m going to a conference later on the weekend.’
‘Who talks like that?’ DJ asked amused.
‘A speech therapist?’ she shot back.
After the first few awkward exchanges on the date, the reticent
DJ found himself at a loss for words. Soon he found Ananya doing her Ananya
thing and launching into Dhananjay's checkered core, empathy emanating
from her, like an unbridled horse. Before he knew it, she'd reached Dhananjay
who found himself bringing out his own core, feeling like a half-munched upon
apple. And when he got into his element, unjudged, he and his void began to
come forth with a force.
As the evening went by, Ananya’s amusing amour amassed more
and more ‘foray points’ slowly until he could just about barge into her heart
like he’d always belonged. He took his place like a near-insider, giving her
the impression of someone bumping into her with unintentional intimacy and
pushing her into a corner in quick, confident strides. As soon as he moved towards her, his head
angled just right, she yielded to his unstated declaration.
It started to rain just as they headed out of the downtown
area. The water slid down their faces, outlining some features and rushing by
others, as if taking a cue from their togetherness.
Over the next six months, their relationship had become like
a runaway child, with a will all of its own. They’d watch it romp about,
helplessly, paying no heed to either parent.
‘What happened to us?’ DJ wondered for the umpteenth time. Ananya
hadn’t offered any explanations, leave alone closure. She’d only left, as unexpectedly
as she’d entered his life, leaving behind a string of questions.
Hit by the unexpected news, DJ stood at the window leading
to his pigeon-holed balcony, his head angled exactly at that of the furious
rains. The confident downpour gave him silent solace. Building their ‘son’,
each Lego piece at a time, had been their gift to each other. And DJ had no
closure, so the son lay untouched, glorious as ever, which didn’t help. He was
still as strong, radiant, righteous and oh so layered and angled between the
two of them. He was just no longer relevant. Irrelevant. How that word
stretched itself out on the window ‘pain’ in the rain. Spelled itself out
irreverently. Irrelevant. Irreverent. As if the words had a right to be there.
DJ yelled at the empty caves, the resounding echo making his
anger a trifle more dramatic. But magically, after ten-odd years, somewhere the
ice that had settled onto his soul, started to melt into the cathartic moisture
his hardened and seemingly stoic existence had long thwarted him from
descending into.
The hospital was like an octopus waving its arms in the air. All its occupants living, breathing inside its multi-wingedness. The teams of folks in blue,green and black scrubs huddled in various corners discussing the new, strange arrivals. The patients. And their medical and non-medical quirks! While patients sat in designated areas, talking about undesignated topics like the yawn coefficient of the doctors, the stubborn and lost intern, the sleepy inefficiency of its staff,the outdated methods of the hospital and the callous bureaucracy of its money-depositing personnel. At the Emergency wing of the creature, multiple visits to the billing counter, lab and the pharmacy, located on different floors are designed to keep the attendant 'entertained' and on a decent workout, while the patience of the patient is tested inside.
Just below the surface of the mollusc though, lurked compassion. The staff that speeded up when I yelled 'Can you please behave like you're actually in Emergency?' And the lab test woman who centrifuged my mother's blood in a jiffy after I mentioned her age. The billing fellow who 'believed' me, when I said she was entitled to the Central Government Health Scheme's (CGHS') discount, without producing the CGHS card, because it was an emergency.
The hospital is a unique place, where panic, rivalry, confidence, love, humor, humor under heavy pressure, reassurance, rigid protocol and overcrowding among all sections of society, sit next to each other, interacting, hollering, moving, mixing. It's where compassion comes out raw, and sometimes the extreme life and death scenario. It's where one swings between complaining about the competence of the doctors on whose shoulders our lives rest and the overwhelming feeling of dedicating everything to them, when they turn around and do a good job.
While this feeling of awarding doctors the status of gods is ancient, it seems that 'Google God' has taken away at least half the holy status, both enabling and terrifying patients with the deeper how and why of medicine, beyond just the symptom-fixing and quick explanations. The real 'how and why' that doctors across the world have an unsaid consensus about. The vow to never open that pandora's box. As a friend of mine and a doctor says, the medical profession 'eats cooked food, without most of the worries of gathering ingredients, which is the domain of research'. This brings me to how a field can be exalted, specially in India, beyond necessity too, without due credit given to its very basis. Where, for example, in covid times, (or any other times), does the fluid in the injection come from? Is the most important part of the process the insertion of it or the 10-15 years of biological research on average that go into developing the vaccine? Research is for the ones who don't 'make it' to medicine, of course.
As a researcher-turned-writer, a question does plague me though. When will the arms of the octopus start to coordinate what's going on with a patient? A friend of mine passed away, supposedly because of her various bodily systems being treated in silos.
Where, pray, in other words, is the heart of the octopus? Or is it in the general physician's office? In which case, the various scrubs might need to talk to each other.
As I leave, I pay a final visit to the MRI facility to book a scan. My job half-done, I turn to see an old man, talking to me in rapid Kannada.
'Sorry?' I say blinking at him stupidly.
'I'm giddy, can you help me to the lounge outside?' he finally says in English.
'Of course,' I say taken aback but offering him steady support.
His brimming eyes tell me that he's braving his illness alone, as the desensitised nurse perched next to him decides to stay put.
I return to the MRI facility, to finish my booking and ask the nurse if the patient who just headed out is alright. She goes out with me to the lounge area, where he's nowhere to be seen.
The octopus at the end of it all, is a great leveler and a reminder of the trust and play of altruistic human instincts that society is based on. And how closely medicine’s Hippocratic oath resonates with community initiatives like 'Medecins Sans Frontieres' and ultimately activism, in its willingness to go out of the way to 'fix' wrongs.
My New York-to-Delhi flight landed, its wheels whirring in satisfaction on the runway, as if with a sense of accomplishment. I had just been offered my first job as an Assistant Editor at a prestigious not-for-profit organization in Delhi. I was to join the next day. I collected my belongings, mostly afraid of not being able to collect myself entirely for this brand, new opportunity.
Day one. I walk into my editor-in-chief’s office, only to be
sent out. A copious amount of c(attitude) wafted through the room, mingling
with her cheap perfume. When I finally did get a chance to speak with her, she
was already eyeing me scornfully. Then her eyes moved to my resume, sitting on
her desk.
‘Your resume’s all over the place!’ she remarked. I could
almost hear mastiffs growling in her epiglottis.
‘Well, M’am,’ I tried to be at my polite best, ‘you have to
be able to see the common thread running through it all..’
‘Who hired you? Are you related to the Director?’ she barked
out her next question.
‘Sorry?’ I displayed surprise at this one, more in sheer
amusement at the non-profit’s dynamics, than in righteousness.
‘Alright, the only role I have for you, at the moment, has
nothing to do with the interests you’ve listed. We don’t have any slots there.
Is this acceptable to you?’
‘M’am, I was hired to fulfill a role linked with my education
and expertise, so I don’t think that’s quite fair..’ I trailed off.
‘This is all we have. Take it or leave it,’ she beamed at my
squirming self.
‘M’am, please, I’ve started work with a lot of aspirations.
Please see what you can do..’ I pleaded, getting the gnawing feeling, I was
doing so vis-a-vis a stone-heart.
‘I don’t have all
day, so tell me if you’re ready for us to place this responsibility on your
shoulders,’ she smirked in satisfaction.
‘M’am, I can’t take up this role..I’m willing to wait for a
new..’ I was cut-off by her grinding her teeth.
‘Look, even men don’t propose after just the once, so, who
do you think you are?’ she laughed, spewing a little spit-spray into the air.
Back at my desk, I tried smiling at the middle-level editors
who only source of entertainment seemed to have been eavesdropping on my
conversation.
‘Hi,’ I said to the one I was to report to, touching her arm
slightly.
‘What are you doing? You have to prove your worth around
here before acting friendly,’ she was reprimanding me already. I stared at my
laptop, wondering whether I’d imbibed too much Americana, while making the
fatal mistake of returning to the famed Indian workplace.
I excused myself to take a break and call my
‘seasoned-corporate-fellow’ friend, asking for his advice on if there was a
special way to deal with this hell-hole,
but my phone was out of battery.
I returned to my desk and slumped, poring over an article.
This was supposed to be one of the most exciting days of my life! When I could
display my prowess at manipulating the written word, while of course, it seemed
now, preventing others from manipulating me.
‘She wears barbed wire and eats broken glass,’ someone said
to my back. Taken aback, I flipped around in part-panic, to see a smiling face
standing behind me.
‘Hi, I’m an illustrator here,’ he said.
‘Hi,’ I managed slowly at this point.
‘Santosh,’ he extended his hand.
‘Priya,’ I replied, still surprised.
‘Ya, our editor-in-chief..she wears barbed wire and eats
broken glass,’ Santosh said again, placidly.
‘What?’
‘She wears..’
‘Ya, I heard you. What does it mean?’ I quizzed him.
‘She’s very demanding and she’s on the board of directors,
so this organization can’t do without her,’ he declared slowly, like he was
decoding a mathematical theorem.
‘Well, why did they hire me, if they don’t have roles for
me?’ I said grumpily.
‘Let’s get coffee!’ he suggested.
Coffee tasted confused, like I was. Santosh maintained way
too much deep eye-contact, all at once for my liking and as we finished our
last sips, I decided to give the conversation with the editor-in-chief, loaded
with sharp objects and other ‘cutting edge’ weapons, yet another go.
‘M’am? May I come in?’ I asked her.
By this time, she was sitting with a male colleague of hers
and they were both giggling over something.
‘Yes? What do you want?’
‘M’am..’
‘You know what? You think you’re such a great writer? Do the
cover story for our monthly magazine. Six thousand words. It’s due in five
days,’ she finished my sentence for me. Only, this time, I could see the shards
inside the shark.
‘OK, M’am,’ I muttered and left, not knowing quite what to
make of this rather odd challenge.
I stuck to my desk in
the coming few days and toiled away at the cover story, burning the midnight
oil to meet the unreal target.
When I finally sent it off to the middle-level editor
assigned to me, she didn’t make significant changes in track-change mode, but
changed a few skin-shades when presenting it to the editor-in-chief, in
private.
I was summoned to the glass-eyed prickly chief next. A
little weary, I walked in.
‘Hmm. Priya, you did a decent job, but you couldn’t do it
alone, could you? You did need Rohini’s help after all!’ she declared, tapping
her pen on the cover story, leaving little ink marks on it, like the little
inky, scars on my psyche.
‘HELP’ ran the alarm bells in my head, as I returned to my
desk.
‘Hi!’ Santosh appeared out of nowhere. ‘Coffee? Tea?’
‘I need to get out of this place…’ I muttered under my
breath as we left.
Santosh was the only thing stopping me from losing my mind.
He smiled too much and lingered on, on my eyes too much after the conversation
was over, though. In broad daylight? In the middle of office? I was more of an
evening-person to even just feel my ‘sentimentality’ better. I looked around
the coffee-place and there were at least six ‘innocent’ bystanders lurking,
looking -- randomly, purposely.
‘Santosh!’ I said. ‘We have to get out of here,’ I said.
‘Where?’ he asked.
‘Back to our desks,’ I replied.
My first week turned into weeks and weeks into months. The
sights and sounds of the folks at work started to blur into one amoebic,
never-ending monster that assaulted my senses and threatened to swallow me at
any instance. The work itself stimulated my surviving neurons.
At the end of each ‘politically’ monotonous day, I’d drag
myself into my car, slump and drive wearily through the traffic python, to go
home, wade through dinner and unwind with a book that lay half-opened on my
face, until I’d wake up the next morning.
‘We’ve a conference next week to prepare for, people!’
declared the chiefy-chief on a morose Monday morning.
‘Priya, write the first draft of my speech and put it on my
table by tomorrow, after proof-reading it,’ she picked on me last.
'Ghost-writing?’ I asked.
‘Yes, ghost-writing’ she repeated. ‘You have a problem with
that?’
‘No, M’am,’ I replied.
On the day of the conference, our team left in cars that
parked themselves at the lobby of a grand hotel.
The announcements and talks began, without much ado. But
twenty minutes before the chief was to go on stage, word went around that she’d
just discovered she’d brought the printed copy of the penultimate draft of the
speech with her. By mistake. And, smartphones hadn’t been invented yet.
For the first time, I saw her face wilt and go a fairly deep-crimson.
‘What am I going to do?’ she asked looking at the faces of
the team of editors and illustrators, that had gathered backstage.
‘M’am..’ I said, very slowly. ‘May I?’
‘What?’ she turned sharply to me.
‘Only I know where the differences between the
‘pen-ultimate’ version and the latest ones lie, and I can fix it for you in
less than 20 minutes,’ I stepped up, a little amused for the first time and
before anyone could say another word.
‘Really?’ the chief-editor took a staggered step backwards
in disbelief.
‘Yes.’
‘Then do it,’ she said, un-frowning just a little.
When the speech was done, members of the audience sought the
chief out, but I knew that once she was done, she’d perhaps look for me. I
walked towards the exit, deliberately.
‘Priya,’ I heard her voice call out to my back.
I turned around, in slow-motion, without saying a word, in
possession of the ‘upper-hand’ temporarily.
‘You are an outstanding writer. And thank you. The Voice,
surprised me, which too tended to be something of a surprise.
I flipped around again, only to walk away in sure steps, the
twin-mongrels of disbelief and disgust trailing behind me.